He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
