When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
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Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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