If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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