I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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