There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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