Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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