How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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