It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
