it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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