My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
