Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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