We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
