Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
