I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
