If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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