before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
