i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
