If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
