This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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