I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
