So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I need help removing her.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
