I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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