he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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