belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
