Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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