I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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