Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
