He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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