do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
