we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
