How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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