if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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