I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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