The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
