you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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