hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
