I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
