Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
