I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
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Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
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I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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