I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
