i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
