You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
