every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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