remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
