I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
