Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
