Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
