Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
