Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
