I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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