Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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