My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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