gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
