I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
