Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
