Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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