It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize