And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
