Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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