first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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