i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
