I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
