I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
