Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
