she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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