He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
