I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
