it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
