Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
