Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize