I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
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He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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