I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
