I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Randomize
