Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I looked at my own cervix.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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