I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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