Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
