I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
